If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
