Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
