porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
