I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
