Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
