Someone shit on the floor
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
