Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
