Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
