I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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