and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
