i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize