bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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