he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Found the puke drawer
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize