I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
