Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
