I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
