I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
