I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
