Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How's work?
Spinning.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
