Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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