My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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