An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
