I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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