he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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