Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
