If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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