he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
