The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Houston, we have a squirter
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
