white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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