i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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