I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
