We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
