Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
