i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
