I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
