is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So vagazzling was a success
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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