guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
