I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
