yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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