Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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