I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
