He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
