have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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