mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
