That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
