It's like God shit irony all over that family
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
