in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
