wrigley field is MILF paradise
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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