Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
