i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
