I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
do nipples grow back?
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