My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
