Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
