4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
