My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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