Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
