I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
