I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
