Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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