I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
