oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize