I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
