Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
