I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
