Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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