wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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