im holly from the hills drunk
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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