his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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