well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
