So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
