Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
